Hey, it's OK....
To take up space
Hi friends,
Welcome to the second instalment of Anna’s newsletter. Last week I talked about how my career (or lack thereof) has made me feel “less than”. This week, I’m exploring the idea of taking up space, both literally and metaphorically.
Back in the day, Glamour magazine used to have a column on the final page titled “Hey, it’s OK” where people could post their stories of normal foibles we could all relate to; hey, it’s ok to add to basket and never check out, and so on. So today, I’m saying hey, it’s ok to take up space.
My father has always sad he “hates loud women.” I struggle with this idea on a number of levels, but haven’t ever challenged him on this (doesn’t that just speak volumes?) What is it about a woman, in particular, with a voice, that bothers him? Is it that she is confident enough to use her voice, or that she dares to have an opinion? Is it that she’s blocking out the more “important” men’s voices? How dare she be so vocal, so loud - how dare she take up that space in my senses, in my brain!
You know the old adage, “children should be seen and not heard”? I guess as a child I felt I shouldn’t be seen OR heard. As a girl, doubly so. As a consequence, I tried to make myself as small as possible. A voice that wasn’t loud enough to be heard, and a body that wasn’t large enough to encroach. I grew into an adult who wasn’t able to voice her opinions or stand up for herself, or eat a sandwich for lunch for fear of getting fat. Now in my early forties, I’m finally saying: I’m here. This is me. I have a voice, and I’m not afraid to be heard. I’ve been teaching my daughter that telling people how you feel isn’t rude, or mean, or going to get her into trouble - provided she is kind and thoughtful about how she uses her voice, she has the right to express herself. And eat. Take up space, ladies.
Well said 👏🏻